#Keep it golden how to

Watch their body language, listen for the meaning behind their words.Īs a general rule, Herring writes, “you should spend more time listening than talking.

Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. One clever thing to do here, that shows you’ve done the work, is to address the arguments against your position before they arise. Body language, choice of words and manner of speaking all affect how your argument will come across.

#Keep it golden how to

Spend time thinking about how to present your argument. Think carefully before you start to argue: is this the time is this the place? “Knowing when to enter into an argument and when not to is a vital skill.” I’m sure you’ve had an argument before and later felt that it was the wrong time and place. If it’s not realistic or obtainable, then a verbal battle might damage a valuable relationship.” What do you really want from this argument? Do you want the other person to just understand your point of view? Or are you seeking a tangible result? If it’s a tangible result, you must ask yourself whether this result you have in mind is realistic and whether it’s obtainable. Research the facts you need to convince your opponent.Īlso, Herring advises: “Before starting an argument think carefully about what it is you are arguing about and what it is you want. Make sure you know the essential points you want to make. With that in mind, here are what Herring presents the ten golden rules of argument. They should lead to a better understanding of another person’s view. We should treat the ability to argue as a skill that needs to be practiced and developed.Īrguments, and for that matter discussions, should be about seeing things through the other person’s eyes. Shouting matches are rarely beneficial to anyone. A good argument shouldn’t involve screaming, squabbling or fistfights, even though too often it does. They needn’t be about shouting or imposing your will on someone. In his book, How to Argue, Jonathan Herring outlines positive ways of understanding and looking at arguments. In fact the suppressed resentment that builds up can poison a relationship. When is the last time someone changed your mind this way? We think that if we show them the facts that we have they will, logically, reach the same conclusions we did. We spend a lot of our time trying to persuade others. “ You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.” - AnonymousĪrguments are tricky.